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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655070">Inside Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyfandombrat/pseuds/saltyfandombrat'>saltyfandombrat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, OG Sunset Curve, OT3, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunset Curve</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:08:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,777</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyfandombrat/pseuds/saltyfandombrat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>That was what he loved about them. They saw so much in everyone, they wanted to touch everyone's souls with what they did. And they really did. He was too selfish to leave them in the end, so he devoted his days to trying to make himself worthy of the way they looked at him and hoped they saw the effort he always put in.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Ray Molina/Rose, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Rose, Ray Molina/Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Inside Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>                    Bobby didn't know how to deal with grief. He had never truly lost something before, he had never had anything he cared enough about that would make the loss of it hurt. When he was fourteen, he met the guys and for the first time, he had something he really cared about. In front of him, he had three reasons why he had to be better because they had decided that they wanted him for some reason. And he needed to be good enough for them. So, he did everything in his power to make sure they were safe and happy, that they remembered why he was so important to the group even if he didn't fully know that himself sometimes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>                    For the longest time, it had seemed like they were doing really well. Bobby had started playing rhythm guitar and singing backup with them. What started as just random jam sessions turned into actual practices and actual music started coming together. Until one day, they were all walking down the street of Sunset Boulevard and talking about their plans, talking about how happy their music made them and what it meant to each of them. Walking and laughing together, they all looked at one another's faces and it was like all of their thoughts met at once, and they all agreed. Sunset Curve was officially born. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>                    Bobby kept reminding them of his place in the group. He reminded them at every practice when he made sure he got each note right, when he put every piece of himself into their music, when his eyes met Luke's and they knew they shared the same passion for what they were doing. He reminded them of it when he provided them with acceptance. When he was always there to listen, when Alex showed up at his house and he held him as he told him he was gay for the first time in his life. He reminded them when he took photos for their band, when he snapped shot after shot, when Reggie crowded into his side as they took old polaroids together and he called him brother. </span>
</p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Bobby was never quite sure who he was trying to convince. Maybe he wanted to convince his group he would always be there for them, but he also needed to convince himself he deserved to be called one of them. They had never made him feel otherwise, but of course not, they were too good to make anyone feel inferior. That was what he loved about them. They saw so much in everyone, they wanted to touch everyone's souls with what they did. And they really did. He was too selfish to leave them in the end, so he devoted his days to trying to make himself worthy of the way they looked at him and hoped they saw the effort he always put in. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>The Orpheum had been his surprise for them. When he saw the advertisement looking for a band to play there, he dropped in as soon as he could with their demo tape and did his best to make a good impression. He would never forget the looks on their faces as they got the call, being told they would play their dream spot when they didn't even know they were in the running. Reggie's grin was burned into his mind. The look of sheer disbelief from Alex would always be a memory. And the feeling of Luke clinging to him was embedded into his skin. They deserved it more than anyone and he was just glad he could give it to them. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>They practiced for months after that and the high feeling never left Bobby during that time. He always felt like he had done so well for them, that maybe he was good enough to be one of them. All of his hard work finally felt like it had paid off. Seeing them so happy, so on top of the world, knowing he did that for them. That had to be the best feeling. Especially knowing how much they deserved to see their dreams come true, everything they had worked so hard to achieve was right at their fingertips. And it was right at his own as well. For the first time in his life, he had something that he was afraid to lose. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>The night finally came after what felt like forever even if it was only a few months. On the ride there, the whole van was buzzing with excitement, with nervousness, with pure love and passion. Luke sat in the passenger's seat, chattering away to Bobby as they drove. Alex and Reggie sat together in the back, gripping hands so hard their knuckles were turning white even as they laughed. All the windows were rolled down, letting in the cool night air and their whole lives were ahead of them. As the night went on, nerves melted away and turned into pure excitement as time grew closer. Their soundcheck went perfectly, it was the tightest they had ever played. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Bobby had a fond smile when Luke suggested they all get hotdogs, though he couldn't help feeling a bit left out of that. He had been a vegetarian as long as he could remember, but it was okay. He wasn't hungry anyway. Instead, he approached the girl cleaning the tables who he had seen when he had dropped off the demo tape for the first time. Every nerve in his body felt alive as he introduced himself to her and when she smiled, he felt like his heart was going to burst. Everything was coming together so perfectly. He finally felt like his life was going the way it was always meant to, like everything was falling into place for him after he had spent so long wishing it would. </span><span><br/></span></p><p>
  <span>                    His eyes followed his band as they hurried outside to find a vendor on the street, smiling at them before turning back to this girl-Rose, she had said. </span>
  <span>They had spoken a bit more before he headed back to the stage to make sure everything was set up and ready, everything had to be perfect tonight, it had to be. Time ticked by minute by minute, which eventually turned into nearly an hour and the boys were supposed to be back by then, but there were no signs of them. Rose had assured him that they were probably just running a bit late, but they never made it to the stage with him. He couldn’t bring himself to take the stage, he didn’t deserve to be up there, his boys did.</span>
</p><p><span><br/></span> <span>The following year went by in a blur for Bobby, he took a long time to cope with the loss of his boys, longer than he had expected. For the entire year, he had been going through life as if everything was normal and fine, but the light inside of him had seemed to have gone out. Things he once got excited for no longer brought him any kind of joy, he couldn’t even fully appreciate getting to know Rose the way that she had deserved. She had stuck by his side the entire time, she was one of the only things keeping him together at that point. Then they had met Ray and everything started seeming a little brighter, for her at least. He was taking pictures for the Petal Pushers and they had apparently hit it off really well, and Bobby could see what Rose saw in him, he was a really great guy for her, he tried to be happy. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Almost a year and a half after Sunset Curve was set to play the Orpheum, Bobby was moving into a small apartment with Rose and Ray. His parents had put their house up for sale and they were gone before the place was even sold, so Rose asked him to come live with them and he couldn’t bring himself to say no. There weren’t many other options for him and he loved his new friends, they were the only thing that was beginning to make things seem okay again. None of them brought up his old band, they were just acting like things were fine, but he always sort of felt they were walking on eggshells around him. As though any mention of his boys might break him and maybe it would, but it was slowly beginning to drive him crazy because he started seeing more and more of them in Rose and Ray. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Whenever he would take pictures with Ray, he would be reminded of all those summer nights he had spent with the boys, outside in night air and taking photos with just the dim light of the street lamps to illuminate them. Every time Rose would play music, he would be back in the studio, curled up on the floor with the others wrapped all around him with only the sounds of their soft breathing filling the air. He eventually began to play his guitar again and yet there was never the same passion that used to be there whenever he would be playing with his band, but he still tried to make it feel the same again anyway. Then things got worse. It was a slow process to notice that something was already changing about Rose and Ray, but once it hit him, he could never think about them the same way. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>It had started with the small things, how they would sit closer together, how they talked to each other more often, how they spent time alone. At first, Bobby just worried that he wasn’t the most fun to be around and that maybe they were tired of him still being in the mourning stages. So, he did everything he could to prove that he was getting better, even if he wasn’t. He started playing old Sunset Curve music again and only Rose would understand the significance of that, but maybe it would be enough. With Ray, he started suggesting they go for shoots more and more often, and they did. Ray always went with him and for a while, he thought that things were working, but then he began realizing that they were still doing all those things. That they were really just humoring Bobby for the sake of it. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>There wasn’t a singular thing that made Bobby snap, but one day, he just did. They were going out for the night to see a show and he had assured them that he would be fine on his own. He sat in their messy living room for what felt like hours, Rose’s jacket laid next to him on the couch and the smell of Ray’s cologne filling the air, and suddenly he felt so out of place. That feeling hit him like a wave as he looked around, realizing there was no place for him here. He didn’t know when they had stopped being Rose and Ray and started being RoseandRay, but he knew that was the day that he stopped fitting in with the two people he still had left in the world. His eyes were wet and blurry as he threw his things into the same backpack he had moved in with, leaving most of his things behind as he walked out. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>His mind was racing as he walked down the street, face streaked with tears and the wind whipping through his hair. He didn’t know how long it took him to get to his old house, but his feet were hurting by the time he was walking past it. There was a light on in one of the windows and it hurt that he no longer had a home there, in the place where Sunset Curve was formed, where they practiced, where they had spent all of their time together. Alex had kissed him for the first time in that house. Luke had basically lived in the studio of that house. Reggie helped him paint their Sunset Curve banner in that house. Now, they were just gone and he was still there, and he had no clue how he was supposed to keep going now if he was going to have to do it all by himself. He wanted to die. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Six months went by without anyone hearing from Bobby. Rose and Ray searched the entire town trying to find, they had stopped by his old house first and asked the people who lived there if they had seen or heard anything, they talked to every hotel owner to see if he had spent the night anywhere. They even visited every hospital, morgue, and jail fearing the absolute worst. Yet, they found no answer and that was even worse for them. He was just gone. For weeks following, they searched everywhere they could and spoke to everyone they thought could help, but no leads ever came up. They both feared the worst about what happened to their best friend, though neither could quite explain why he had just run off in the middle of the night without telling them where he was going. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>With every passing month, they felt less and less hopeful about ever seeing Bobby again. Countless hours had been spent searching for him, numerous tears had been shed, and they couldn’t even count the number of nights they had laid awake in their bed waiting for him to come home. Every day, they hoped they would walk through the door and smell the familiar stench of cigarette smoke filling the house. Even after telling Bobby time and time again to go outside to smoke. They prayed every day that they would wake up the next morning and he would just be there, curled up in his bed with his hair messy and the blankets pulled up over his head. Or that one day, they would just wake up and realize all of this had just been a horrible dream, that everything was fine and Bobby was safe with them. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Ray was the first one to hear the knocking at the front door, practically jumping out of bed and nearly knocking Rose off as he did so. Disoriented, she followed after him and caught up to him just in time for the door to be opened, Bobby standing on the other side of it. He looked tired, old beyond his years, and just sad. He stared at Ray and Rose for a brief second before lowering his head, feeling like it was a mistake to return home to them, words catching in his throat before he could say any of them. More than anything, he felt ashamed of running away from his problems, guilty for whatever he had made them feel in the time that he was just gone, neither of them deserved whatever they had gone through after he ran away. Just because he couldn’t deal with his issues like an adult. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>“I’m sorry…” The words slipped out before Bobby could catch them and they seemed to echo through the darkness of the house. He didn’t realize how weak his knees felt until Ray’s arms were wrapping around him and he was instantly slipping into the man’s chest as though he couldn’t support his own weight any longer. A second pair of arms found him almost immediately, holding him where Ray’s arms didn’t. Soft whispers of “it’s okay” and “we’re just glad you’re alright” hit  his ears as hands and lips were all over him, touching whatever they could reach on him and making the skin there feel like it was burning. He didn’t deserve them. They needed him to be okay and happy, to be recovering, but he couldn’t. “I miss my friends, I just wanted to go home…” He whispered. </span></p><p><span><br/></span> <span>Both of them feared what Bobby might mean by that, but for the time being, they wouldn’t bombard him with questions. He seemed safe enough when he showed up and that would have to be enough for now. They were just happy they had him back. Hands stroked down his back, pulling back just enough so that they were looking at his face. Ray pressed a kiss to his forehead and Rose followed by kissing his wet cheek gently, both ending up pressing their faces into the sides of Bobby’s neck. He held onto them both as though they were the only things keeping him together, maybe they were. All three of them were crying in the darkness. Ray and Rose simply held onto Bobby as if he might disappear again if they let go and one of them eventually whispered out, “you are home.”  </span></p>
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